Change is good.You are good.We are good.Family is good.

hidayah
screamed @ 12:53 AM

Not in a perfect world.
Just in a less painful one....you would hurt instead of me...me and you would be no more...i would be free...hurt a little more then i would be free...in a less painful world...you would try to see how i feel...what you put me through..and be sorry...be really sorry...and make...really make it up to me..really really make it up to me.
In a better world...i would be treated right.my pillows wouldnt be wet...

hidayah
screamed @ 12:31 PM

and just like that,
worlds shatter
hearts break.
hearts shatter
worlds break.


you
were bad news from the start.didnt see the line that divided love,loyalty and forgiveness from hate and unacceptability.say things just to hurt,simply to hurt.made me remember the horrifying details.made me relive the past that i have always wanted to behind me.didnt see me trying.didnt hear me asking for help.

but each time you needed an excuse for yourself,for the things you did,for the things you said...i came up with it for you.or accepted your excuse.maybe i gave you too much.just as others in your life continue doing.i no longer want to be a part of that.of giving.because there is nothing left for you to take.

i
dont know which is worse,saying it to simply hurt or when someone thinks of what to say to really hurt.cant tell when its you and when its not.cannot believe that feelings change so fast.was at the bottom,deep in....and you kicked me in the face,pushed me down further,made me remember what it was like to not know what is wrong and what is right.


when you do that
i cant breathe.i fear i may not live through the night because the pain is unbearable.the tears fall freely and emotions run wild.

you ...its hard to say...when you wouldnt understand.you dont see me as a victim of consequences,of life's sick and twisted ways...i didnt expect it of you at first..but slowly i thought you would see....no one wants to live through what i did.just as i wouldnt want to live through what any other people did.but hey,what do you know right?perfect life,perfect family,perfect friends.but its different now...........................i am no longer there.its not sympathy i needed,but empathy.of each and everyone who is a stained white cloth.

between finding you and losing you,
i lost my Self.

hidayah
screamed @ 11:09 AM

i woke up this morning.i dreamt that train timings were extended,because they were.then i couldn't tell if i really was on the train tracks,trying to cross over so i could get in.and i tried
and tried,i almost fell when the tracks separated.and i never got home.

that moment when dreams feel true.
and you cant tell the difference.

hidayah
screamed @ 11:18 AM